Why People like “Ghosts”

The sudden “silence” of a friend, a lover or a partner, some random day, and without any explanation, is not necessarily related to a lack of network or a communication problem. Sometimes it’s the person’s intention to walk out of your life in a way that’s both silent and violent, called ghosting.

 What exactly is ghosting?

Ghosting is the act of severing a bond in totally unexplained way after entering a complicit relationship with a person. In practice, there is simply no communication, no message, no manifestation of any kind… The “silence” from the “ghoster” is total, leaving the victim in great chaos. The most well-known ghosting is that of romantic relationships, friendships, professional ties with brutal expulsion, or even family ties,  which can be broken in the same way. In the romantic sphere, it can be a matter of relationships of a few weeks, a few months, and sometimes even several years. This phenomenon has existed for a very long time.  But in our society in general, the new ways of communication and social networks in particular, would boost the phenomenon and make it minor.

What are the consequences of ghosting on the victims?

Psychologically, the practice of ghosting is not trivial, because it sets the ghosted person to a great questioning and makes him go through several stages, each more unpleasant than the next. The ghosted person is then usually filled with several feelings, tinged with anxiety, for example guilt, hopelessness, lack of understanding, loss of trust etc…. Paradoxically, this silence can be seen as manipulation. For example, a man may ghost his girlfriend because he is afraid to announce a break-up. Others will leave because they have idealized their partner, their love, and the moment they discover that the other is different from what they had imagined, they may leave abruptly. It’s like they’re mad at their partner for not being what they imagined. Still others leave without saying a word when the other person begins to commit, which can cause those who fear commitment to panic.

What goes on in a “ghost’s” head?

A way to escape, to avoid facing another person’s pain, to move on as quickly as possible? But a ghost is someone who provides no explanation. He ghosts, leaves a relationship cowardly, without bothering to break up.

However, ghosting can be as strategies:

• passive
• avoidance
• seduction
• manipulation
• protection

Ghosts are becoming commonplace in society

Some also see ghosting as a symptom of our over consumerist society, where romantic relationships are consumed and then thrown away. Dating sites like Tinder would drive the phenomenon, prompting us to zap anyone who doesn’t fit our criteria. This practice in a relationship can also be compared to clothes that you only wear three times before throwing them away.

The work is mostly about accepting this “silence”, accepting never having answers, so that we can finally put an end to the story. Re-planning, re-focusing on yourself, your needs, your desires. And to look to a future full of promise, no longer burdened by toxic stories from the past to move forward in life.

In my opinion, the only situation of healthy ghosting is when there is violence, physical or psychological, within the couple. Sometimes, when faced with the other’s grip, no negotiation is possible. Leaving without leaving a trace can then help to put an end to this spiral of violence and save his life.

Καζακλάρη Ιωάννα., Γ1